Dealing With Resentment

What is resentment?

It is only once you understand what resentment is & how it impacts your life are you able to release and prevent further resentment in your relationships.



Resentment is the strong and painful bitterness you feel when someone does something wrong to you. Resentment doesn't have actual physical weight, but if feels very heavy and can last a long time. Forgiveness is the one way to get rid of resentment. Sometimes resentment lasts for years. It can be strong and hard to pull out, like an old gnarled tree root. While resentment over being wronged can come from just one act against you, it also can get stronger over time. It also comes from misunderstandings, like feeling resentment over a dirty look you thought was directed against you, or being picked last all the time by the captain of your team. It's usually best to root out resentment early.

How to release and prevent resentment in your relationships

We often experience resentment toward other people when we find it hard to forgive them and hold onto unspoken pain. Whenever we feel we've been unfairly treated or judged, we have a powerful reaction. We feel these strong emotions because they challenge us to reassess our self image we hold of ourselves. Left unexpressed, these negative emotions have the potential to transform into resentment if they are not dealt with in a healthy, effective and timely way. The longer these negative feelings are ignored, the more likely these negative feelings will prevent us from seeing the world from a healthy and balanced perspective. If left unresolved, resentment has the power to be all consuming, fuelling anger, and in some cases can lead to abusive or self destructive behavior or both.

A lot of how we deal with emotions is learnt in childhood. If we are taught to internalize our emotions when we felt hurt at an early age. will mostly mean that we have not dealt with them. 'If I keep my feelings hidden and unexpressed, then I don't have to risk jeopardizing the quality of my relationship with this person'. In other words, fear of rejection trumped dealing with the pain in a healthy manner, and ultimately the person who you ended up hurting the most was yourself. 

If you are experiencing feelings of resentment, here are some tips that may help you to let go and move forward.

  • Express yourself: When someone hurts us, we have a responsibility to express our pain. This needn't be self indulgent or pitiful, but an understanding that it is our right to express the pain in an effective and healthy manner which helps us to let go and move forward.
  • Communicate your feelings: It takes huge strength and courage to express and communicate our pain to the people who hurt us. In doing so, we express our vulnerable side - the very part we want to protect and keep safe. Try to express yourself from a calm and balanced frame of mind to ensure maximum effectiveness.
  • Forgiveness: Practice forgiveness as it is your own personal honor. The ability to truly forgive is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Forgiveness sets you free from resentment's confines; it breaks down the walls that anger builds and negativity reinforces.When we forgive, we stop letting our past dictate our present.

When we commit to expressing ourselves fully, we become stronger, more confident and more aware. We cannot control what other people do, but we can control how we react. When we practice self-expression and forgiveness, resentment will have no place or power in our lives.

*for more ways on living an emotionally healthy life visit *